The Chosen Hard

I think many of us are well accustomed to the type of hard situations in life that come unexpectedly; the kind of hardship that rocks our world in a very real way, perhaps sets us back from where we perceive we need to be, and makes us question ourselves and everything we know to be true. But there’s another type of hard, that I am only now observing take place in my life now: the “Chosen Hard”. 

The “Chosen Hard” is the hurdle that we go through in life that we choose to undertake. The parts that we know deep down inside of us are a part of our journey and our purpose in life. The pieces of life that we have yet to attain, and realistically cannot attain without an enormous leap of faith. The free fall is real, but it feels different than the moments of uncertainty that come after the hard moments of life that we do not choose. Do both involve fear and uncertainty? Absolutely. Yet, there is a certain level of autonomy  that comes with the “Chosen Hard”, the choice to carry forward despite any obstacles that may come your way, the empowerment that comes from winding your way through those ups & downs, the beauty that comes from the risk of failure and making it to the other side. 

I was talking to my husband, Roger the other day about a new journey we are in the midst of embarking on together. With this choice of ours comes a new level of responsibility, joy, heartache, fear, and yes, of course, stress. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t encountering self-doubt and fear. I mean damn, life is hard. Big leaps of faith might even be harder, because ultimately they require the highest level of sacrifice and trust in oneself: two things that as humans we are really uncomfortable with. But with every moment of fear or doubt that I encounter, I have been asking myself recently two  questions: “what would I do if I was living in the world I want to live in?” and “who would I be if I was acting as the woman I want to show up as?”

Nothing illustrates this better than the story about finding a magnolia tree this past Spring. Roger and I had been seeking the beautiful magnolia blossoms since they started to open so that we could use them for syrups and baking. For weeks, we sought a tree in an area we could reach to harvest them, somewhere unsprayed, and public since we have none in our yard. He called me on his way to work and said “hey babe, I just passed a tree on my way to work insomeone’s yard that is leaning over a fence, why don’t you walk down there and grab some from the sidewalk”. So I grabbed my foraging bag and set off to grab the blossoms. When I got there, the lowest hanging branches were far too tall for me to reach, so I turned around and went back home.

 Later that evening, as I was running some errands, I drove past the tree again and I noticed two people standing on their lawn by the base of the tree furiously raking up the blossoms. I drove past and fell into an internal debate with myself about whether or not to pull over and ask them if I could pick from their tree. I went through every possible reason not to: it would be rude of me to interrupt them, they probably don’t want a random woman on their lawn picking from their tree, I would be inconveniencing them, they would think that I was crazy for wanting to use their magnolias in food and medicine. And then a question rang through my heart loud and clear: “what kind of world do you want to live in?” Well, I want to live in a world where neighbors share their harvest, they literally share the fruit of their tree, they don’t judge one another or hold back out of fear. And then: “who is the woman you want to show up as?” Well, I want to be so clear in my knowledge of who I am that if I am turned away for asking to pick some magnolia blossoms that it doesn’t phase me one bit. I want to be a woman living in reciprocity with my community and the natural world. 

The decision was clear. As I pulled off, I just so happened to walk right into the woman who had been raking the lawn, like some divine sign from the universe. She told me that her boyfriend would not mind at all if I picked the blossoms from the tree and walked over to introduce me. They inquired about what I used them for and I happily shared about making magnolia cordial and sugar cookies. The man even brought me out a step stool from his house so that I could reach the higher branches of the tree. 

Inner knowing is like that. When we decide what kind of world we deserve to live in, and show up as the person who embodies that world, the choices become clear. This next chapter of mine is a much bigger leap of faith than asking to harvest someone’s magnolias. It’s one that requires my mind, body, and spirit to be so damn inspired by what I’m choosing that facing the hard is not even a question. If we’re going to live a human experience that is challenging in all sorts of ways, many of them outside of our control, we might as well choose the good kind of hard. The “I’m living the hell out of my life” kind of hard. The kind of hard that helps us grow.

I have no idea yet what kind of woman I will be on the other side of this journey. I don’t know what trials and tribulations I will go through to get there. But what I do know for damn sure is that it’s the kind of hard that I want in my life. The “Chosen Hard”. I am willing to do whatever growing I need to be ready for it, and the tears that come along with it will be worth the journey. I also know that I couldn’t do it without the amazing community that I have built to share that with and the family members that will support me. The world I choose to live in is one of community, an intentionally cultivated community that asks to forage from each other’s yards and shares their harvests, a community that is not afraid to ask for what they need. I want to be the woman who champions the growth and guts for others to follow their hearts, and who knows that choice well.