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The beautiful thing about being human is that we thrive off ambition, we thrive off a vision of the future that is better than the reality that we are living now, even if it's just slightly. This is hope; it is what keeps us growing. Sometimes being present means that we must act presently to enact change in our futures. It means seizing not just this moment, but using it to infuse all the little separate moments that follow it with hope. It means taking up space right where you are, right now, so that in the future you have a place to exist and express. It means thinking grander than you ever have before about your life; Letting go of your previous understanding of the world, being open-minded, and setting some really badass goals. Yet, the flip side of this being-human and growing thing is that it will challenge you and that's where self-doubt likes to rear its ugly head.
The beautiful thing is I am moving to Brooklyn to start a new journey: to take an amazing job opportunity, to work with struggling students in the capacity I have always aspired to, to move in with my amazing partner and boyfriend, and to finally allow myself to be happy. This all was not a part of my eighteen-year-old vision for my future. I always claimed I hated New York City, I was sure of who I was as a person already, and was certain I would teach high school in Connecticut for the rest of my career. If I think about how in just the last few months my entire perception of self has change, it reminds me to push myself even further for this upcoming year of growth.
The hard, but real, underbelly of all this growth is that everything feels new to me. New job, new home, new form of transportation. Self-doubt is a powerful thing, and not in a good way. Rachel Brathen's podcast on the "Inner Critic" inspired me to tap into the voice of my "inner best friend" as much as a do my inner critic. Which leads me to deem the next 365 days The Year of Challenging Fear. All of these things that intimidate me (mostly the subway system) are just vessels for building towards my future, towards courage, sense of self, and hope. So screw it; Here's to all of the things I have been holding back in my life for the past few years.
By August 11, 2019 I will:
* Recite one of my spoken word poems at a real deal open mic night (and crush it).
* Find a community of yogis, artists, and friends of all kinds in NY and turn it into a kula.
* Build relationships with my new high school students that fulfill me as much as my Bridgeport kiddos.
* Get back in the dark room and develop some film.
* Turn our apartment into home.
* Write more.
* Publish something.
* Further my yoga teaching experience and knowledge of anatomy.
* Save money to travel.
* Find a yoga studio in Brooklyn to teach/practice/live/cry/laugh at.
* Become more comfortable with navigating the subway (seriously, why is it so intimidating?!)
* Love myself more.
* Doubt myself less.
* Never limit the vision of my future again AKA stop sticking to the plan.
It's about damn time we all stop holding ourselves back. So, what would you put on your list of fears to conquer? Where are the places you can stretch your perception of your life as it currently stands? There is an endless realm of possibilities for growth out there, and that is the grandest form of abundance. So seek it. Abundance won't just stumble its way to your door step, or beat down your self-doubt for you. And if you haven't already, go and listen to Rachel Brathen's podcast on the "Inner Critic", bring tissues and a notebook to write a letter to your own inner critic. Reach for the beautiful parts of being human, and conquer those damn fears along the way.